Dyluk's blog

    . . .when Z-Day rolls around? Yeah, Z-Day. You know why you don't know about Z-Day? The government doesn't want you to know.  You see, the government is ready for it. But you aren't.
    The government has bunkers, soldiers, guns, grenades. Drug sniffing dogs. They'd be fairly competent in the event of zombie apocalypse. I mean, finally, no rules- they don't have to actually respond in timely manners to natural disasters, and Rodney King/Sean Bell style abuse is just par for the course!
    That's right. Zombie Apocalypse. Are. You. Ready for it? I have a Z-Day plan, naturally, but I can't tell you it. See, I dunno how zombie memory retains, but I'd be pretty boned if I told you where I was hiding, and you went all zombified and remembered and found me. I am very much like Marcellus Wallace, and this is why I won't tell you that stuff. I will, however, give you friendly tips!

    #1- Forget about your loved ones. I know it's tempting to find your wife, your son, daughter, significant other, father, mother, puppy. . .but they're probably dead, or incredibly tough to reach. The best thing you can do is to just find a nice hidey-hole and hope they show up someday. After all, you don't wanna be zombait, do ya?
    #2- We need guns. Lots of them. Okay, so maybe not guns. But to find a nice hiding place, you're going to need some sort of a weapon. Baseball bat, kitchen knife, that annoying bean bag/plushie chair you never really liked, they're all equally suited. Blunt weapons are just going to kind of aggravate them and temporarily get them out of your way. You want to get rid of their appendages, ideally severing the head. The sky's the limit, so when it comes to your arsenal, use your imagination!
    #3- An apple a day keeps those zombies away. Okay, not really. But you're going to need some sort of food, right? Now here's the kicker- you know all that healthy organic crap you bought not so long ago? Unless it's canned, all my money is on it rotting a lot sooner than the unhealthy crap you're too good for. The fruits, the veggies, the milk. The milk? Yes. Everyone is a zombie. Who's gonna run the power plants? You knew there'd be no fridges after the year 1 A.Z. Come on, now. Look for canned food, water is essential. Small animals, if you're just that awesome. If not, a surprising amount of plants are edible and good for you- for example, the lichen that grows on rocks. In the event of an emergency, eat it.
   #4- There's no place like home. Not anymore, anyways. So you need a new one. One to use in this new undead day and age. It's nice to pretend that you can stay on the run all your life, but the shambling dead will never fatigue. Sorry. Wherever you plop down for the night, make sure it's got a few necessities. A good view is crucial, so you can see the zombies coming. A good escape route that requires an amount of agility the average zombie doesn't possess to use. Failing that, find a high ground- an attic, a rooftop, some place where you can cut off the entrance to indefinitely. Locks aren't that important anymore, but the weight and thickness of that door is, along with (maybe) the strength and thickness of the door's bolt. You don't want the pesky critters sneaking in unnoticed, do ya?
    #5- Don't pass in the night! It doesn't matter what kind of zombie we're talking about here, the nocturnal or the 9 to 5. If you go out in the woods tonight, you're in for a great surprise. Not only is your sight worse, but so is the sight of any potential survivors out there. You won't know if s/he's a zombie, and vice versa. Paranoia is your survival method these days, and it'll get innocent folks killed at night. Oh yeah- and there's zombies out there to boot!
    #6- No one weighs the group down. It's simple. If you come across a group of survivors, you should all abide by the same code. No one weighs the group down. If you can't keep a reasonable pace, it's time for you to be left behind. If there's any evidence that you're taking a turn for the worse (by way of a zombie bite), it's time to put you out of your misery. Let's be honest- no one wants to be one of those ugly things. Which brings me to. . .
    #7- Not all sayings are true. You can't beat zombies. You can only survive them. That doesn't mean that you should join them. As a matter of fact, do your fellow survivors a favor. If you ever get bit, or show any other signs of possible infection. . .do the heroic thing and just off yourself. It denies the opposition one more deadly conscript in their slowly shuffling army of doom.

    Of course, these are all just quick tips. It's going to take a lot more than this to prepare for Zed: The Great Menace. So get your Z-Day plans in order, and kick some zombie butt when the time comes!

What do you do EVERY day to take care of the earth's environment? What could you do more of?

    Nothing. I don't do a goddamn thing. Hello America, it's time for a kick in the head. I don't recycle. I don't really conserve energy that well, unless it's going to damage the lifespan of a battery. If I ever wind up getting a car, I'm going to get good mileage only because I don't like giving my money away in huge lumps at a time. I smoke, so, I guess I'm adding more greenhouse gases than your average human being. I'm only interested in solar and wind power because it seems like a cheap way to live. Oh yeah, and the only time I throw my cigarette butts in the garbage is when someone is looking. A lot of them so far have wound up in storm drains- but lets be honest, if whatever sewage system they've got working can't filter out a cigarette butt, you've got bigger problems on your hand.
    First of all, let's start off by saying I don't really care about the earth. I'm not going to go out of my way to mistreat it, but I won't do the opposite either. I won't live to see the more painful effects. Doesn't matter to me. Hell- for all I know, this is the natural order of things. Fluke creations from different planets develop the ability to make tools and start slowly killing planets, then either move or die.
    Secondly, you don't really care either. Yeah, you get your hybrid cars so that you can say you've gone green, but it's really to save at the pump. Some of you have those long lifespan/low power/whatever the fuck coiled flourescent lights, not realizing that the cancerous shit in there is not only worse than tungsten, but it's also worse than the crap in a whole carton of cigarettes, and it takes a decade to disappear. LED Lights are a more expensive alternative, and they're a lot less harmful. But no one seems to want any of those, curious. Ethanol causes a rise in food prices, costs more at the pump, and is only a little less painful on the environment than regular gas. Solar power. Don't even get me started on solar power. I, and my father before me, grew up hearing about the greatness of solar and wind power. It's everywhere, it's going to be really cheap in the next decade or two, everyone and their mother will have a solar powered car. Solar power is the new helicopter for every family. We grow up expecting it and that shit ain't gonna come.
    Here's why: America, are you listening? You love your economy, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. You love living the way you live, for the most part, and you would live nowhere else. You might say you'd prefer another country, sure- but you certainly won't get off your ass and go there. Having to switch to alternative means of power would completely fuck that.
    So I'm going to join this silent mass mentality. I'm going to breathe smoke, I'm going to drink mercury water, and I'm going to dig little plots all over Central Park and fill them with styrofoam. Hell. If I didn't, who would give the Ready, Willing, and Able guys a job, eh? Just cut this "Look at me, I'm going green" crap out, okay? It's like, soooo last Tuesday.

If you could travel back in time, which era would you visit and why?

    I'd be born just in time to sign up for the Army in World War Two. That way I could be part of the GREATEST GENERATION EVER and everyone would have to respect me and no one could top me, and people would play videogames involving me and my battle-brothers for waaaay longer than I ever spent in combat. I'd also be tougher than nails and plutonium.
    Okay, so no, not really. Y'know, I think I'd just be born a few years earlier. Hilariously enough, it's not just so I'd be of drinkin' age. I'd call more attention to the Patriot Act and other such legal actions against citizens. It wouldn't work, the Patriot Act would get passed, people would be vaguely angry at their public representatives for about a week, and then they'd go back to their lives and completely ignore Big Brother's van looking over their shoulder. Then I'd bomb Congress.
    Okay, so I wouldn't do that either. I wouldn't live in any other era, for any reason. I mean, I could go back in time and join any number of revolutions, I could use any of the get rich quick schemes I've thought of over the years, assuming it's actual time travel and not "you were born back then". None of them would need me as bad as this generation likely will. And there's no way I could work in a distant stellar future.
    Has anyone thought of how confusing basic things like a standard calendar or clock would be if humanity lived on more than one planet? More than one star system? Galaxy? How would communication work in a timely fashion? Okay, communication, that's a lot more feasible than a standard calendar or clock. I hope reincarnation doesn't work out in a linear timeline, because I most definitely could not stand interplanetary human federations. They'd be worse and more fractured than the U.S.

What do you love about where you live?
Submitted by Emu with a Clue.

    Absolutely nothing. For all of you who actually enjoy or someday hope to be in New York City, you're either foolish, or you don't plan on living here. Don't live here. Don't work here. Don't in any way, shape, or form, support this city's economy.
    The United States in total has about 80 people per square mile, according to the 2000 Census. New York City has 26,403 people per square mile. Considering the 9.4% population increase from 1990-2000, I'm willing to bet that that statistic has gone up just a wee bit. We're like sardines in a can- if you need anymore evidence, get on a redline subway train during rush hour. Or, try. See if you can fit.
    I've been over the gentrification. Over the last five years this particular neighborhood has been getting more expensive, with the most blatant moves (neighborhood stores being bought out/unable to afford rising rent, being replaced by more "hip" places directed at gentrified youth) happening in 2007. At least on my block. Rich people are slowly creeping further north and further north. I can't wait until the day the gentrified are kicked out by the rising aristocracy. It'll happen sometime, I'm certain.
    Let's talk employment. I can't find any specific numbers, so I'll just tell you what I know. I know a hobo who gets more work than me- not because he's in any way a better worker, or more applied- but because he can throw out trash on the days the regular guy is feeling lazy for chump change. He still sleeps in front of the deli across the street- actually, no, he sleeps in front of the brand new Dunkin' Donuts now. In 2006, Manhattan (my borough) had a population of 1,611,581. One million, six hundred eleven thousand, five hundred eighty-one people. Manhattan is 22.96 square miles in total. Ah, here's a number. 1.459 million workers come into Manhattan on a daily basis, according to USA Today (who quoted the Census Bureau). You're competing with literally millions of people for regular employment. Good luck- I have found little.
    Nowadays there's not that much street crime to worry about, I'll admit that. I been mugged a dozen times, and not recently. But if these economic trends continue (rich kicking poor out of Manhattan), I most certainly wouldn't count on it. You see, it starts with business. All the businesses that can't make enough money either jack up prices or they can't afford rent pretty soon, while a few of the early adopters move into the neighborhood and get situated- they stop shopping at places that don't quite fit their demographic (dirty looking bodegas, supermarkets, various retailers whose proprietors aren't completely clean shaven or white, sorry, just saying what I'm noticing), causing a loss of profit for those folks. They move out, make space for newer stores owned by people trying their best to attract the hipsters and the cool people. Now the new stores realize they can make more money- and only a few decide not to jack up prices, the sadly mistaken people and those who just can't afford to. Prices raised, poor people find it harder to get food, they move on out to the cheaper places, the act continues sweeping like a plague moving slowly north.
    Tough to believe? Come on down someday. I'll give you a tour of my neighborhood, I'll tell you what used to be there and what's there now. Like the deli down the block. Used to be a skeevy bodega, but they always had what I needed from a bodega, and they always had it at a low low price. The folks working there were just a bit friendly, even if I wasn't. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say not enough people liked the environment, because they stopped shopping and the place got shut down. A new place opened up, much cleaner, I won't complain about that. But damn them prices are crazy. The exact same thing happened to a deli ten blocks up, and their style is so alike, and so are their employees, that I'm thinking it's some small company from downtown that's moving on up. Hell. Just ask for the tour.
    I'll show you where my apartment is, and where my tent in central park is gonna be in a few years. What out of this do you think makes NYC seem good?

What do you most hate sharing with other people?

    Earbuds/Headphones. It's a nasty practice people. What's been in my ear don't quite belong in yours.

What's the one thing you're most neurotic about?

    I guess it would be punctuality. This seems pretty odd compared to my school attendance record, where I spent most of my days as an absent mark on roll call. But if there's somewhere I want to be- somewhere I have willingly agreed to be- I'm usually right outside 10-20 minutes early having a cigarette, or listening to music. Unless of course I'm with a friend who isn't as big on it as me. I don't generally get mad at others for tardiness until the half-hour, forty five minute mark, somewhere about there. Even then, I completely forget how agitated I am once company arrives. I'm sure there's other things I'm more 'neurotic' about, but that's the first thing that comes to mind.

    Let's face it. Globalization looks fucking awesome on paper, in theory, in fiction. When it was something mystical from the future- where there one king to rule them all, and in the darkness bind them. Okay, maybe not. But I see globalization as sort of a worldwide communism. Not a mega-corporation's wet dream. But sadly, that's what it is. With the European Union, it's only a matter of time before other continental unions arise. I distinctly recall hearing of a South American equivalent led by Venezuela, and I've heard rumblings of something similar in the making for North America- but those rumblings are, apparently, being suppressed. Continental Unions will give way to a worldwide government, which is no problem. Unless we consider our current American predicament, where government is so wound up with different corporations that it slogs down our legal system, where our populace is so controlled by media they don't even remember what the news bulletin is smoke and mirrors for, where our children are raised to think that if they don't get straight A's from grade 1, they'll never get into a good college and they'll never get a good job and they'll never do anything with life. To be honest, you can't do anything kids. I have found out the hard way.
    It is my firm belief that our current form of republic does not work. It is my firm belief that no nation-state's borders should extend beyond the reaches of a community. That's right. Nations as we know them should be abolished. Not just the USA, like I've been saying, but all of them.
    Here is where we enter the paradigm. Our current form of republic is a tar pit the likes of which even dinosaurs haven't seen, and that's at best. At worst it's a criminal organization, supported by none other than the taxpayer. But with no nation, with no legal system, with no world trade, there's a sudden and abrupt halt as everyone blinks and collectively curses out loud. Suddenly, there are no standards except for silently agreed upon moral codes- which no one is sure the other is following. Suddenly, all your currency is worth almost nothing. Suddenly, the barter system returns, and one man's food or living space is another man's iPod. [Sidenote: Isn't it funny how the iPod has so obviously reached the pinnacle of capitalism, so much so that even mentioning it is to stir up the thought of a cash register ringing?] No no no, this simply will not do, I say. But that's because I advocate a change that I would have to live through. In order to reach the positive aspects of a world with no nations, first we've got to starve and scramble for valuable resources (be it gold, water, food, electronics, or guns).
    But imagine being a child growing up in that world. It's all the glory of a post apocalyptic setting (no true government, a return to simpler life, actually having to call your neighbor a brother or a sister- because you need to work together as a family) without any of the violent apocalypse. By no means should you assume I'm some sort of Luddite either- I'm glued to the computer and I might lose it without my MP3 player. But consider this: plants that manufacture our goods suddenly become owned by the stronger workers, because old valuables ain't quite so valuable anymore. Shipping can continue, we've got drivers and pilots and folks to load cargo. Farming can continue- it's the world's fourth oldest profession, next to prostitute, fire tender, and hunter. Maybe information-technology based occupations fail the Darwin test, but if those folks can find no other way to survive then maybe it should be that way.
    Think about it. Overpopulation, settled. Environmental hazards caused by man- settled. We're too busy gathering food to have a nice Sunday evening drive. No longer will false democracies or republics or other forms of government ignore your cries- you are the ruler of your household, and no one can contest that. It's almost atrocious, the way that this future I'm talking about looks. But it's coming, and my money says it comes sooner than anyone thinks. Maybe a thousand years from now, people will look down on it as backwards. But it's the natural state of man, I think. A cyclical form of government.
    Once there's a one world coalition, your voice will be drowned out not only by your neighbor- but by your county, your state, your geographical region. And that's where things are heading now.

What's the most valuable thing you've ever had stolen?

    My first and favorite daughter. She was a candy-apple red Haro frame, I forget which. A number of parts that I can't remember in particular, but I certainly remember all the work I put into that bike that made it my daughter. When you get a bike, it's just your bike. When you ride your bike, it's a trustworthy machine. When you actually work on it- doing all the greasemonkey labor, fixing flats, installing new brakes, putting in a new wheel, new pedals. When it's such a Frankenstein you don't remember some of it's original factory parts. That's when it becomes your child. And of course, since it's a mode of transportation and I have a huge misogynist penis it's a girl. I remember that bike, and I remember wanting to flay the fucker who stole it.
    Long long ago, Will and I met a new friend at our hangout at the time- the skate park. I don't remember his name, I remember he looked like this cool dude we met later on called Ashanti- who was a great fucking guy. Either way, he was this 23 year old unemployed dude living with his mother, which I wouldn't think was so funny if not for the way he spoke to her. "Maaaaa, hey. Yeah- no- I'm going to be staying out late [past 10:00] tonight. Yeah, I'm safe. No, I've had dinner. . ." all in a whiny monotone voice. Him and will smoked pot quite a bit. I didn't trust him enough to smoke with him, back when I did anyways. Should've listened to my inner paranoia. One night, he leeches off of me after will leaves, and we're at my grandfather's past midnight. He says "Oh man, my ma is gonna kill me!", and I feel sorry for the poor bitch. So I offer him a bed, which we had, and no one would mind. He calls his mother, explains he's staying the night, and the rest of the night is smooth sailing. The next morning, he's gone. And so is my daughter.
    I saw that guy once after that- only once. And the only reason I didn't rearrange his face is because 1) I didn't feel angry enough, time heals all after all wounds 2) he had a buddy, and I don't trust Will to back me up in that scrap 3) he looked even more downtrodden than ever before. Never found out what happened to baby. May she rest in piece, in whatever form she's taken. I've never cared for a bike as much since that one.

     Anyone else heard of Codey Porter? If not, hit up this link to a local news article (
http://www.king5.com/topstories/stories/NW_031008WAB_boy_buried_LJ.3e86c380.html). If you're too lazy for the article, then shame on you, and here's the skinny: Child (Codey Porter, age 10) watches Naruto. Wishes he could become a sandmaster, or some such. I don't watch Naruto, in fact I despise it, but apparently there's one character who's a ninja that uses sand as his superpower, or whatever you Naruto folks wanna call it. They're all ninjas. Yeah. Codey Porter decides something along the lines of "That's fucking brilliant! I want to do that!", and has his friends bury him head first, chest deep, into a nearby patch of sand. If he can get out of this, it will prove he is worthy of becoming a sand ninja. He cannot get out of this- as such, he is a stupid child. His friends see him thrashing around, begging for air, and they think he's kidding around. He goes limp, friends get parents, parents perform CPR, and send him to s hospital. He dies two days later, although precisely how his body failed him isn't public knowledge. I'd call it stupidity.
    BUT DYLUK, you are thinking, HE IS SIMPLY A CHILD! He didn't know it was a TV show, and it can't be done in real life! Well y'know, when I was a kid, I mean real little, Star Wars was fucking awesome. As a matter of fact when I was ten, there were very few things that were cooler than Star Wars. This continues to this day. I never once attempted to use the Force to heal my wounds, move objects, choke anyone, or go into a months-long meditative trance where the Force would sustain my body. Admittedly, none of those are as deadly at burying my head in sand, but the point is, I know that while it was fucking awesome, it wasn't gonna happen any century soon in real life. Real Life. Now, Codey Porter's family has set up a relief fund, and I can't quite understand it's purpose. I hate to be callous, and this isn't just me calling lil' Genius Porter a fool, but they have one less mouth to clothe/feed/room. I'm sure that the money they used to spend on his daily needs can now move towards a funeral and even therapy if they so choose.
    Yes, I realize mocking the dead, especially such a young one, is pretty low and pretty callous. But there's a reason I call him a fool. " Family members describe Codey, a fifth grader at Silver Firs Elementary School in Everett, as smart [emphasis added] and imaginative. Unfortunately, it may have been his imagination that led to his death." No, it was not his imagination. It was his lack of intelligence. His brother calls him articulate, family members call him smart. . .stop the lies. Bags need to have ranings on them that they're not safe for children, precisely because of children like this. Let Darwin have 'im.
    Note: rumor also has it that this incident has caused renewed activity in the "Mothers Against Anime" movement. I'm not too sure I'd believe that, but it's noteworthy and I'm sure someone out there is thinking it. They are, by proxy, fools. Just like guns, anime doesn't kill people (although sometimes it can bore you into a coma), people and idiocy do.
    Thoughts? Comments? Questions? This sounds like quite a topic for discussion.

     Anyone else heard of Codey Porter? If not, hit up this link to a local news article (
http://www.king5.com/topstories/stories/NW_031008WAB_boy_buried_LJ.3e86c380.html). If you're too lazy for the article, then shame on you, and here's the skinny: Child (Codey Porter, age 10) watches Naruto. Wishes he could become a sandmaster, or some such. I don't watch Naruto, in fact I despise it, but apparently there's one character who's a ninja that uses sand as his superpower, or whatever you Naruto folks wanna call it. They're all ninjas. Yeah. Codey Porter decides something along the lines of "That's fucking brilliant! I want to do that!", and has his friends bury him head first, chest deep, into a nearby patch of sand. If he can get out of this, it will prove he is worthy of becoming a sand ninja. He cannot get out of this- as such, he is a stupid child. His friends see him thrashing around, begging for air, and they think he's kidding around. He goes limp, friends get parents, parents perform CPR, and send him to s hospital. He dies two days later, although precisely how his body failed him isn't public knowledge. I'd call it stupidity.
    BUT DYLUK, you are thinking, HE IS SIMPLY A CHILD! He didn't know it was a TV show, and it can't be done in real life! Well y'know, when I was a kid, I mean real little, Star Wars was fucking awesome. As a matter of fact when I was ten, there were very few things that were cooler than Star Wars. This continues to this day. I never once attempted to use the Force to heal my wounds, move objects, choke anyone, or go into a months-long meditative trance where the Force would sustain my body. Admittedly, none of those are as deadly at burying my head in sand, but the point is, I know that while it was fucking awesome, it wasn't gonna happen any century soon in real life. Real Life. Now, Codey Porter's family has set up a relief fund, and I can't quite understand it's purpose. I hate to be callous, and this isn't just me calling lil' Genius Porter a fool, but they have one less mouth to clothe/feed/room. I'm sure that the money they used to spend on his daily needs can now move towards a funeral and even therapy if they so choose.
    Yes, I realize mocking the dead, especially such a young one, is pretty low and pretty callous. But there's a reason I call him a fool. " Family members describe Codey, a fifth grader at Silver Firs Elementary School in Everett, as smart [emphasis added] and imaginative. Unfortunately, it may have been his imagination that led to his death." No, it was not his imagination. It was his lack of intelligence. His brother calls him articulate, family members call him smart. . .stop the lies. Bags need to have ranings on them that they're not safe for children, precisely because of children like this. Let Darwin have 'im.
    Note: rumor also has it that this incident has caused renewed activity in the "Mothers Against Anime" movement. I'm not too sure I'd believe that, but it's noteworthy and I'm sure someone out there is thinking it. They are, by proxy, fools. Just like guns, anime doesn't kill people (although sometimes it can bore you into a coma), people and idiocy do.
    Thoughts? Comments? Questions? This sounds like quite a topic for discussion.